Counting Things
by Quantumphysica
Summary: The war is over, but all have lost. Bellatrix is the only survivor of the last battle. At Malfoy Manor she finds Lucius in a catatonic state next to the corpses of his family, and she decides to take him with her to find out who killed her sister and avenge her. But is revenge really her new purpose? (BellaXLucius, eventually)
1. Chapter 1

The war was over. The light had won… but what a victory it was. A Pyrrhic victory; the costs had greatly overcome the worth of it all. Harry Potter was dead, his two "Golden Trio" compatriots were dead, his classmates, teachers, friends… their corpses littered the battlefield. The other side hadn't fared much better, as was to be expected from the losing party. It seemed that whoever was still alive –and judging from the amount of dead that couldn't have been a lot of people- had left the place without a second thought about the fallen.

One person was still standing and looking over the battleground. Bellatrix Lestrange. She had taken her husband's name, but she was a Black by blood, and Blacks were survivors. The first war hadn't broken her, Azkaban hadn't broken her, and this wouldn't break her either. It was pure luck that she had survived the battle, but from now on her survival depended on her cunning. Limping she walked between the corpses, until she found the one she had been looking for. Not her master, despite all rumours. Her husband. She scowled at the corpse, but there was something oddly affectionate in her eyes. Despite what people said, the death of her husband touched a chord in Bellatrix.

Rodolphus Lestrange had been an idiot for sure, but he had been her idiot, and in her own way she had loved him. Perhaps she hadn't always showed that affection in a way the others understood, but she had loved him. Broken his nose twice, threatened to cut off his fingers, held him under the cruciatus from time to time... in retrospect, it was no wonder they had started speculating about her and the Dark Lord.

All that was in the past now... She couldn't linger here on the battlefield; soon the ministry forces would arrive to do the clean-up and body count. Bellatrix shook her head and closed the staring eyes of her late husband. The other corpses didn't do her much. She had fought alongside of them, or against them, but in the end all she had known about them was how good they duelled. Death eaters didn't make friends; the made allies. Bellatrix had known she could count on them to have her back in battle, but whether they had family, what they had done before the war, or what they planned to do when it was over? She had no idea. Probably for the better she decided when she came across more familiar faces.

At long last she found the Dark Lord, lying strangely close to his now dead nemesis, almost in an embrace. How odd… Bellatrix didn't touch either of them. She did feel a cackle in the back of her throat when she thought about what the ministry workers would think when they found them like that. She held it back though, out of respect. The Dark Lord had been her world, her sole purpose for almost 20 years; he deserved at least that.

She had been his most faithful, and didn't regret a moment of it. She wasn't crazy or obsessed, like so many thought. A little unconventional perhaps, when compared to her sisters, but not crazy. She had honestly believed in the dark side's cause, and wouldn't have betrayed or forsaken it for anything in the world. When she made a choice she stood by it no matter what. According to some that made her crazy, but Bellatrix liked to think it made her steadfast, persistent and reliable.

She shook her head again and continued over the battlefield until she found herself a good apparating spot. There were more people she had to check up on.

_(Pagebreak)_

Malfoy Manor looked as it always did, gloomy, dark and generally uninviting in all its magnificent splendour. Bellatrix had never really liked her sister's taste in anything, be it it men, robes or interior decoration, but even she had to admit that Malfoy Manor was an imposing building. Architecture was probably one of the only things she and Narcissa agreed on. The wards recognized her and let her in, and the doors opened for her by themselves. Carefully Bellatrix made her way in. If the ministry had invaded here already, it wouldn't do to make her presence known.

The Ministry hadn't set foot in the manor yet it seemed… but nevertheless it felt as if it had been emptied, left devoid of anything valuable. An involuntary shiver went through Bellatrix when she realized the atmosphere reminded her of Azkaban.

She first checked Narcissa's parlour, and found what she was looking for. Her sister, the beautiful and fair Narcissa, lying naked and mangled on her posh mauve carpet in a pool of blood. The sight didn't shock her as much as it angered her. Who had done this, and why hadn't that good-for-nothing husband defended her? Bellatrix found herself raging angry with Lucius Malfoy. The day of her little sister's wedding she had pulled the man aside and threatened that if anything ever happened to her baby sister she would find him and make his life hell. It seemed that her warning hadn't left enough of an impression…

She carefully closed her sister's eyes, like she had done with her husband's, but it didn't make the dead woman look any more peaceful. Jagged cuts decorated all of her body, her limbs were sprawled in odd angles, a bone protruded from her shin, and between her legs there were some very telling wounds and bruises. Bellatrix made sure to remember every detail of the scene, because if she found Lucius alive she would force him to watch that memory before she tortured the life out of him. With that in mind she left the scene and continued her search through the house. The next body she stumbled upon was her cousin Draco, lying on the floor in the great dining room, a victim of Avada Kedavra. At least they hadn't mutilated him like they had her sister, she thought. When she looked up, she startled. At the table, in his usual seat, sat Lucius Malfoy. He sat straight, his wand in front of him, his hands motionless on the tabletop. If she hadn't seen him breathe from the corner of her eye, Bellatrix would have sworn he was dead. The look in his eyes was as vacant and empty as Draco's had been. She pointed her wand at him.

"What has happened here, Malfoy?"

No reaction. She approached him, held her wand to his temple, grinning viciously and breathing next to his ear like she knew unnerved him greatly.

"Do I have to cruciate it out of you, Lucy?"

Still no reaction. There was not a spark of recognition in his eyes. It was making Bellatrix annoyed, and an annoyed Bellatrix was never a good thing.

"What happened to Cissy, Malfoy. Answer me."

The blonde aristocrat seemed to ignore her completely, and so she shrugged and said.

"Your call. _Crucio_."

Muscle spasms made Lucius fall off his chair, but despite that… he didn't scream. Bella knew her sister's husband to be quite a bit of a wimp, so that was all but normal. She lifted the curse and studied the man from close-by. He was lying on the floor now, but his eyes were still as unseeing as before.

"Now what have they done to you?"

She just wanted to try legilimency, when she heard the telling noises of footsteps and voices in the hallway. The ministry had arrived. Her decision was quickly made; she needed to avenge her sister, and only Malfoy knew who had killed her. He would simply have to come along until she found a way to extract the information from him. She grabbed him roughly by the arm and apparated out of the manor.

_(Pagebreak)_

The cabin was supposed to be her getaway. Fourteen years of Azkaban had taught her many things, but the foremost was that she never wanted to go back there again. Therefor she had taken her precautions. A small cabin in a muggle forest, warded to be absolutely invisible to any eyes be it muggle or magical ones, with all the basic necessities present. She had had too little time to bring everything properly in order, but at least it was a safe place. When Bellatrix apparated in, she simply dropped Lucius to the floor. Other than the dull thud when he hit the planches, the man didn't make the slightest sound. She ignored him and looked around. The place was dusty and scarcely furnished, but it would do. It was far better than a prison cell, at least. She went to wash herself, and when she emerged from the bathroom she felt lots better. The curse that had hit her leg was one she didn't know, so about the limp wasn't much to do, but a little numbing charm did wonders for the pain. Having washed all the battle dirt off her, she almost felt like humming a tune… until she saw that the elder Malfoy was still lying where she had dropped him. Feeling annoyed again she kicked him in the side.

"Get up you arse!"

No reaction. Restraining herself, Bella pulled him up again and set the man down on the couch. Once again her eyes met his absent look. For a moment she wondered if perhaps they had summoned a Dementor and performed the Kiss on him… she discarded the thought when she realized the dementors had been on their side. Nevertheless… if he had somehow lost his soul, legilimency would tell her.

"_Legilimens._"

Bella got pulled into Lucius' mind, proving her that whatever was wrong with him he still had his soul. The man's mind made no sense, however. There was an awful lot of blank space, dark walls, echoes of voices that sounded familiar, vague images she couldn't quite discern… when she pulled back, she realized that someone had really thoroughly wrecked her brother-in-law's brains. They had simply killed Draco, they had raped and mutilated Cissy, but what had they done to him? It wasn't the cruciatus curse; Bellatrix knew first-hand what a mind damaged in torture looked like, she often legilimensed her victims to see the effects of her handiwork. This was very different. It made her think a bit of a botched obliviation, or damage done by long-term imperius.

"Well, it seems we'll have to find another way to get information from you. I'm going to bed. The couch is all yours."

With that, the witch retreated to the bedroom. All this time she had been oddly calm, but now, lying in her bed and finally safe, the magnitude of it all came crashing down on her. They had lost the war. Her master was dead. Her husband was dead. Her sister and her cousin were dead. She was the sole survivor… not counting Lucius, but she doubted he counted as surviving in that breathing corpse state of his. For once in her life, Bella wished she could cry. She wished she could cry and honestly mourn the loss of her family, the loss of her purpose, the loss of everything she considered valuable in life… The tears didn't come. It seemed that life had no tears to spare for Bellatrix Lestrange. There was nothing left for her to do than what she always did: surviving. Whether it was her parents' house, Azkaban, or this cabin, it always came down to that. Blacks didn't live, they survived.

**(Author's Notes)**

**So, this is a new kind of thing for me. Angsty and all that. I really, really want your feedback. Anyone who knows me or my general story style knows that this is a bit of a new thing for me and I want to know if I'm doing it right. So please?**

**The concept of "two lone survivors" has been used before, I know... but I wanted to give it another spin. Hope you like. This plotbunny came into existence when I was reading "When Irish Eyes Are Crying", which features the theme of 2 survivors, but is very different from this storyline. It is also very awesome, so everyone, read that!**

**Once again, PLEASE REVIEW! Questions, Comments, Critics, Compliments... Love it all!**


	2. Chapter 2

Days passed, and the emergency food ration she had kept at the cabin became smaller and smaller. She didn't eat much, and Lucius didn't eat at all –she refused to feed him so if he didn't take something for himself he didn't get to eat-, but nevertheless they became short on food. Worse than the hunger was the boredom though; Bellatrix was bad at being confined; she had read all the books in the cabin at least three times, counted all the cracks in the ceiling (23), all the peas in their last can of peas (897), all the flowers on the ugly wallpaper in the bathroom (153), and virtually every other thing she could count in their small house, but eventually she was out of things to count and therefor out of things to keep her mind occupied. It made her resort to the last thing she had ever expected herself to do: trying to get a reaction out of Lucius.

She called him names, threw water over him, tried to cruciate him, declared him her undying love, drew on his face with a magical pen, braided his hair, tried to startle him from behind, poked him, tickled his feet with a feather… nothing gave even the slightest glimpse of a reaction. After a while her imagination concerning non-life-threatening things she could do to Lucius that wouldn't soil the carpet ran out, and for lack of something better to do she went to hunt in the forest.

_(Pagebreak)_

When Bellatrix came back, she was terribly giddy. She had covered herself in blood, the blood of a deer she had killed. She had killed the beast with a simple Avada Kedavra, but she hoped she looked like she had jumped it and cut its throat with her dagger… if that wouldn't coax a reaction from Malfoy she didn't know what would.

"Honeeeey, I'm hooome!"

She threw the door open and sent her most maniac glare at Lucius, expecting to meet his empty silver grey eyes again. Strangely enough… that wasn't the case this time. Lucius had fallen to the side of the couch and looked extremely pitiable. His eyes were half-closed, he trembled, and sweat stood on his brow. It only took Bella a moment to realize he was sick. Great. Maybe she shouldn't have thrown a bucket of water over his head. And when was the last time he ate anything? Right.

"This is just so typical. I go out for just a couple hours, and you manage to get sick. Urgh. If there's a God, I'm pretty sure he hates me." Bella chuckled to herself. "With reason, I'd say…"

Nevertheless, she crouched down next to him and felt his forehead. The man was glowing with fever. She sighed to herself, wondering what she should do. If she left him here, he would probably die, whether it would be of this sudden illness, or of starvation. And no matter whether she liked him or not, she had to find out who had killed Cissy. She sighed again.

"Well… to bed with you."

She levitated Lucius to the bedroom, removed his robes with a simple spell and put him in bed. Then she went to see if there was any kind of fever-reducing potion in the medicine cabinet.

_(Pagebreak)_

She wondered what they would say now, if they could see her. Playing nurse to her annoying brother-in-law… The things one does for family! The Dark Lord would most likely have mocked her, Yaxley and Avery too, Nott would have sent her his patented concerned glance (the one that said "I'm not sure if you're crazy or just weird but I'm worried either way"), Rabastan and Rodolphus would have made fun of Lucius for being sick ("real men _never_ get sick") and reminded her to take photos for blackmail purposes, and Cissy… Cissy would have looked at her with that sad, proud look in her eyes. The one that said, "That's my sister". It was an unexpected sting in Bella's chest, thinking about that, so she quickly pushed it away and concentrated on the task at hand, namely feeding Lucius.

"When you're better, I'm so going to get back at you for this."

Lucius didn't respond. Instead of blatantly empty, his eyes were now hazed over with fever. He sometimes moved his lips, as if he wanted to say something, but he never brought forth a sound.

"Take another bite. I mixed the fever reducer in the food, so you better eat all of it."

Bellatrix had prepared the deer meat together with the last canned vegetables, and using a dark torture spell meant to turn muscle tissue into slimy goo she had made it a mash Lucius wouldn't have to chew. Now she fed it spoon by spoon to the man, who diligently swallowed every bite. In a way it was good to have something to do, Bellatrix mused, and it was better than counting things. When Lucius had eaten enough of the mashed meat-and-vegetables, she put the plate away and watched how the man fell asleep under influence of the potion.

"You're the first person that dares to fall asleep while I'm looking at him, you know that? Even Rod didn't dare to do that. May he rest in peace, the idiot."

Despite everything, she remained at Lucius' bedside. She didn't feel like being alone all of a sudden, and even the non-company of Lucius Malfoy was preferable to an empty room.

_(Pagebreak)_

She didn't know how it had happened, but suddenly she realized it had. Unconsciously she had taken Lucius' hand, softly rubbing circles over it with her thumb. She suspected it had happened when he had started whimpering in his sleep. Bellatrix almost pulled her hand away again, but then she didn't. She told herself it was just because it gave her something to do, softly rubbing the man's hand. It definitely wasn't because she cared about his comfort, not at all.

_(Pagebreak)_

The first two days, the fever was high and Lucius –after not having eaten for quite a while- was too weak to fight the illness properly. He just lay there, softly whimpering and trembling. And Bellatrix held his hand, she wiped his head with a cold rag and handfed him, because "she needed something to keep herself busy anyway, why not use the entertainment provided by nature?"

After a few of Bellatrix' hearty meals of goo-ified deer meat with fever reducer, things started to get better… or worse, depending on how you looked at it. Lucius became physically a little stronger, which resulted in tossing and turning instead of weak trembling during the night. During the day he was his usual, unresponsive, emptily staring self, and Bella found herself practically permanently at the man's bedside, most of the time making one-sided conversation.

"I have seriously no idea why I'm doing this. Talking to you, I mean. For all I can guess they cursed your brains out and I'm talking to a plant. Wouldn't you make for a great houseplant, Lucy?"

She paused, as if she was waiting for a response.

"My thoughts exactly. Actually, conversing with you now is so much more interesting than when you were still, you know, actually talking."

Bellatrix cackled to herself, and then pointed her attention to the man in bed again.

"Sometimes I think you're just sulking. I wouldn't put it past you."

_(Pagebreak)_

The first real development happened when one night Bellatrix woke up because someone was screaming. The kind of screaming people did when they were terrified, just an inch away from death, the kind of screaming she loved. This time the first thought wasn't glee however, but an uncomfortable sense of concern. There was only one other person in the cabin, so… She hurried to the bedroom and threw the door open, finding Lucius with his eyes wide open and a terror-stricken expression on his face.

"Please, NO! No more! Don't… DON'T… Please… PLEASE! Not again! No! AAAH!"

It was instinctual, Bella would later say. Pure animal instinct, nothing more, that's how she explained it. She wrapped her arms around the terrified man and held him close, rubbing his back and softly cradling him.

"Ssssh… it's just a dream… it's not real…"

At first he was stiff and tense in her embrace, but then he relaxed against her, the terrified cries turning into soft, desperate sobbing, the fear in his eyes slowly fading into their usual emptiness. Bellatrix continued to cradle him until he was asleep again, then she tucked him properly in again. As soon as she was done she felt like hitting herself.

"I did not just do that."

That, she decided, was an explanation as good as any other. She decided to go with it.

_(Pagebreak)_

It was because she disliked being awakened every night by that screaming wimp, she told herself. It was because the ache in her leg, dulled by the numbing charm yet always present, got progressively worse from sleeping on the couch. It was because it was her bed and she was the one who should sleep in it just to prove the point. Any rational explanation for the fact Bellatrix woke up one morning with her arms around Lucius would serve its purpose. Maybe it was just something that happened when you were the only two people stuck in a small space, the need for human contact growing stronger than mutual aversion and dislike.

Bellatrix shunned the idea that she would "need" human contact, let alone human contact with Lucius Malfoy. That didn't stop her from sleeping in the same bed as him every night, and pulling the man closer every time nightmares struck him. It had become something of a habit, just like the handholding and feeding had become a habit. And habit or not, they both slept better through it.

**(Author's Notes)**

**So, Bellatrix is slowly but surely tricked into caring for Lucius by the physical laws of "two human beings stuck in a forest cabin"...**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Please tell me what you think! I need your critics, comments and questions to improve my writing, so please? I really, really want to improve it. Cookies to everyone who reviews, I love you all! My muse dies if it doesn't get fed with your attention! *hopeful kitty eyes***


	3. Chapter 3

Days became weeks rather quickly, and habits, routines and rituals formed themselves against Bellatrix' will. She compared it to Azkaban. She had started one day with counting things. The bricks in the wall. The cracks in the ceiling. The time before the torches got replaced. The steps of the guards bringing her food. The bites of food before the plate was empty. She had started doing it one day, and then suddenly she noticed that she couldn't stop doing it anymore. That it just didn't feel right when she hadn't checked how many cracks, bricks, bites, steps, flickers there were. Not that anything ever felt right in Azkaban, but the counting provided a little bit of solace for her perpetually tortured mind, solace she just couldn't do without. The first thing she had done when she got out of that hellhole, besides screaming euphorically, was banishing all useless numbers from her mind. Yet still, when she was nervous or agitated, her thoughts automatically wandered to the first countable thing she could lay eyes on. It was like a pathway burned into her brain; she could work around it but in case of emergency that would always be the path she'd take.

The habits and patterns that formed into life at the cabin weren't surprising, although some were somewhat disturbing. Every morning Bella would wake up, go down to the kitchen, and prepare tea of birch bark and leafs for herself and Lucius. She would then bring it back to the bedroom and spoon-feed Lucius the tea, while occasionally sipping her own cup, pulling faces at the horrible taste, and making derisive remarks about her companion's stoicism. After that she would get Lucius somewhat dressed, and carry, drag or levitate him to the sitting room -depending on the day's fancy and her mood- and depositing him on the couch. There she would take one of the few books in the cabin and read out loud to him, often interrupting herself to comment on the author, the situation, the subject, or something completely random. When she got enough of that –most of the time rather quickly, as dramatic reading was a bit of a strain on her voice- she went outside to collect edible things and have some sunshine on her face. When she returned she prepared the food, which was always meat, with meat, and in the best case something else she had found. She fed Lucius, then ate her own, non-gooey meal, and played cards against herself with a pack she had made from old parchment, until the evening fell.

On some days there was also laundry to do, or hunting, but generally not much changed in their routine. The disturbing parts were those that featured the bathroom. _Scourgify_ only went so far, and after three weeks Bellatrix had realized she would have to actually wash Lucius. She had thus braced herself and done the job, mentally counting the tiles on the floor (56), the flowers on the wallpaper (still 153), and the seconds until the ordeal was over (too many). It wasn't that she couldn't appreciate a male body, and Lucius certainly was a rather attractive specimen despite everything, but… something about washing an adult man like a doll made her skin crawl with awkwardness. The toilet wasn't much better. No, actually the toilet was much worse. Bellatrix thanked whatever deity there might be for the simple fact that Lucius was still capable of keeping up his piss until he actually reached a toilet. A couple unfortunate accidents however had reminded Bella that he required her to reach said toilet, and that forgetting toilet duty would result in lost dignity and extra laundry.

The most disturbing of it all, Bella thought, was that even the disturbing parts were becoming routine to her. She cursed and insulted Lucius, she never ceased to express her absolute disgust of him, but since he never seemed aware of that it never had the desired effect. Sometimes she got out, cruciating anything and anyone she could find, screaming at the sky with a sound-muffling charm around her, simply to remind herself that she could not give in to this, this was temporary, she would break free, eventually. She wouldn't spend the rest of her days living on meat and birch leaves in the company of a male houseplant! And then, as soon as the anger and frustration were out of her, she returned to the cabin to take her book or her cards and do exactly the same things as before, soothing her mind with the comfortable familiarity of it all. She was counting the steps of the guard again, and she knew it, but at the same time she couldn't help it.

_(Pagebreak)_

"Please… Not again… NOT AGAIN! I can't take it… I can't TAKE IT!"

Bella woke up to find Lucius caught up in a delirious nightmare again, and once again she took him in her arms, like she always did. She softly cradled him until the fear left him, whispering comforting words and caressing his hair… yet this time, instead of the vacant look she had gotten so used to, she met a confused, frightened gaze, silvery eyes that actually saw her. He tried to say something, but no words left his lips. With a surprisingly caring gesture, Bella put a finger over his lips.

"Ssssh. it's okay. You're safe."

She continued to caress his hair and rub his back, until the man was asleep in her arms. So often she had done it before already… She put him back under the covers, but lay awake herself. Had she imagined it, or had Lucy the houseplant actually given a sign of intelligent life?

The next morning, when she came into the room with the breakfast tea, she knew she hadn't imagined it. Lucius sat up in bed, looking at her, seeing her. She raised her eyebrows.

"Well, well… decided to show a sign of life after all?"

"I… I d-don't know…"

His voice was scratchy from disuse. Bellatrix put her platter down, took a chair and sat her feet on the bed, trying to appear relaxed. She chuckled.

"What don't you know, Lucy? Where we are? How we got here?"

There was something oddly disarming in the way he looked at her. Confused, apprehensive, and also… innocent. Not a look she had ever seen on Malfoy's face. For a moment Bellatrix could imagine him as a child, just for a moment before he opened his mouth again, torturing his vocal chords to bring forth another croaked sentence.

"I d-don't know… a-any-t-thing. W-what h-happened?"

Bellatrix' eyebrows rose again.

"You have amnesia? So, you mean to say you don't remember anything at all?"

"T-things… m-magic… words… but n-no names, places, e-events."

"Do you even know your name?"

He sadly shook his head. Bella contemplated giving him an embarrassing nickname, but experience told her things like that tended to get old real fast and come back to bite her in the ass later on. She decided to go with the truth.

"Your name is Lucius Abraxas Malfoy. You were my sister's husband. You are a wizard. You and I, we both fought in a war. Our side lost, and now we're hiding from the authorities. You were injured, some unknown curse I think, and that has caused you to lose your memory. You were unconscious for quite some time."

He slowly nodded. It clearly was a lot to take.

"Y-you… who are you?"

"I am Bellatrix Lestrange, your sister-in-law. Call me Bella."

"A-Alright… Bella."

Lucius tried to smile, and the result was so different from any expression Bellatrix had ever witnessed on Malfoy's face that she almost cackled in glee at the sight. If only she had a camera, the blackmail! Too late she realized there was no one left to share it with.

"I brought you tea. I warn you, it tastes like devil's piss, but it's warm and will probably be good for your throat. Can you hold the cup yourself?"

Lucius took the cup from her, but his hands trembled too badly. Eventually Bellatrix held the cup to his lips so he could drink. His following expression was another one for the records… Who had ever thought Lucius Malfoy was capable of looking something other than arrogant, smug or uninterested, let alone so positively disgusted! After the cup of tea, Lucius sent her a pleading look.

"P-Please d-don't leave me."

Ad to her surprise she answered him,

"I won't leave."

And she sat by his bed until confusion and exhaustion got the better of him, sending him off to an unquiet sleep.

_(Pagebreak)_

Lucius being awake threw quite the wrench in the system of carefully built up routines that shielded life in the cabin. Bellatrix found that she didn't mind as much as she had feared she would. The man slept a lot, and when he was awake he asked questions. About himself, about his life before the war, about his family, about her… Bellatrix had wanted to give him a detailed account of the memory of Cissy's body, just for the sake of shocking him and getting a rise out of him, but against all odds she hadn't.

There was something about this new, rebooted version of Lucius Malfoy that fascinated her. His expressions and questions held some kind of naivety you didn't usually find in adult death eaters. It fascinated her, and she wanted to learn more about what made him tick before she set loose her horror stories on him.

Bellatrix had a rule of thumb concerning torture; you couldn't hurt what you didn't know. Of course some things always worked; cruciatus, a little burning, a cut here and there, a solid pounding… but mental torture was something else; it required understanding of how someone's mind worked. You couldn't torture effectively if you had no inkling of what throve a person, what made him the person he was. And Bellatrix didn't know what made Lucius the person he was, simply because he didn't seem the person he had been anymore.

_(Pagebreak)_

She tried her best not to work out her frustration on Lucius, why she didn't know, but his incessant questioning drove her bonkers. She tried to deal with it in the way that had always worked on their colleague-death-eaters, giving generic answers at a venomous tone, accompanied by a run-or-I-cruciate-you-glare. This didn't work on the new, amnesiac Lucius though. Apparently he had forgotten the strength of her torture curses along with everything else.

"Bella… What happened in this war you spoke of?"

"We lost."

"Why did they…"

It was the fourth time that day that Lucius breached the war subject, and although Bella could understand that he was curious after what he had forgotten, it irked her. She didn't want to think or talk about the war. Never again.

"They killed all of them, okay? Fuck, Lucius! Your family, my family, your friends, my friends… they're all dead, and if they're not dead they're either hiding, fleeing the country, or waiting for their execution! Can't you just fucking leave it alone?! Shit happens, it has no fucking why!"

Bella burst out in mad laughter, and Lucius was quite taken aback by it. Bella's lips twisted in a vicious grin as she pointed her wand at him.

"I have missed hearing you scream, Lucy…"

The curse was on the tip of her tongue… but she didn't pronounce it. She just glared at a pair of anxious silvery eyes that looked too young for the face they were in. Bella hadn't missed hearing him scream. She heard him scream every night and it made her feel mighty uncomfortable. Of course, she would never tell him that. She just held him at wandpoint for a moment, until she lowered her wand, chuckled, and said,

"You are lucky I'm feeling merciful today."

With that, she stalked out of the door. Her merciful feeling didn't extend to the couple of muggle picnickers she encountered close to her usual hunting ground... She tortured them from in the bushes, relished in their screams, and at last petrified and obliviated them. Instead of returning to the cabin immediately, she wandered through the forest, practicing various nasty dark spells on unsuspecting critters and counting trees (too many), branches of trees (more than there were trees) and leafs (why did she even try?)

It was dark when she finally returned home, and the anger she had felt was gone. However, so was everything else. She felt empty and spent when she dropped herself on the bed next to Lucius, blatantly ignoring the man. Thoughts of Cissy kept her awake. Cissy, proudly getting fitted for school robes, wreaking havoc on her toy broom, lying on the floor in a puddle of blood. Her baby sister. She hadn't been horrified, only angry. Now she wasn't even angry anymore. She just felt drained. It took almost all night before she finally fell asleep.

The next morning, Bellatrix woke up resting against Lucius' chest, his arms around her. It was disturbing, but it was also surprisingly comfortable, and Bella found herself reluctant to break free. Only when a sudden memory of another complete idiot she had known entered her mind, she escaped from Lucius' embrace. He woke up and sent her a questioning look, which she answered with a glare. They never spoke about the incident again.

Lucius stopped asking questions about the war. Bella liked to think it was because she had frightened him… a small voice in the back of her head whispered that it was out of pity.

**(Author's Notes)**

**New chapter! I want to ask all of you people... please review this. If you think it's awful and you don't tell me, how am I supposed to get better? **

**Lucius is awake! Amnesiac!Lucius is cute, I think. Bellatrix does not share my opinion, just so you know xD And yes, I kind of gave Bella some type of OCD. It's that what the title is referring to, sort of. Also, anyone who thinks having to wash coma patients is a disturbingly gross but necessary evil, please raise your hand! (It's like washing old people, but worse. Brrr. Respect for the people who have this as a job, I volunteered one day and the bathing freaked me out.) **

**Oh, and birch bark tea... it takes some getting used to the taste, but it's actually quite healthy. I did not make this up, I'm serious!**

**Let me know what you think! PLEASE REVIEW!**


	4. Chapter 4

Life resumed its boring course… Only Bella found that it was considerably less boring now Lucius wasn't playing the part of a plant anymore. He had a pleasantly snarky sense of humour -something she had always mistaken for malice in his old self-, and despite having lost his memory he made interesting conversation. He hadn't lost any knowledge or abilities, just personal memories. He could by example recall the recipe of polyjuice potion, but he had no idea who the last minister of magic was, even though he knew there was one. Bellatrix remembered that the one time she had legilimensed Lucius she had compared the mental damage to obliviation. It was quite accurate. Someone or something had successfully obliviated the entire personal life of Lucius Malfoy from his mind, without touching anything else. An amazing feat… Bella would probably have made great conversation with the responsible witch or wizard, if not for the minor detail of said person killing her sister.

She didn't want to like Lucius, but she found that she did. It wasn't obvious at all; she cursed at him, she threw things at his head, she even cruciated him from time to time, but nevertheless… she found that she liked him. Not just the fact she had company, but him, as a person. During the day she kept herself from pondering too deeply, but at night… at night she went over the amount of things she had counted that day, and every night there were less things. No matter how angry she got with Lucius, she couldn't have been really angry. When she was angry or agitated, she counted. Somehow, Lucius kept her from counting things.

_(Pagebreak)_

Although things fell into a routine pattern again, Bella found herself having an extra problem. The ache in her leg that caused her to limp had always been quickly numbed with a small charm, but lately she found she had to renew the charm more and more often. On top of that the ache had changed in nature. At the start it had been a bothersome, dull pain, a bit like a big bruise you kept poking. Now it flared up with cruciatus-like strength at the most unexpected times, stiffening her whole leg and making her grind her teeth in agony. She wouldn't scream around Malfoy. She wouldn't. Whenever she felt threatened by his presence, be it her life or her dignity that was at stake, he turned from Lucius into Malfoy. It was better to keep people at a distance in moments of weakness.

"I'm going for a hunt."

"Are you okay?"

"Do I look like I'm not?"

"Err…"

"Fuck off, Malfoy."

She didn't feel okay; her leg hurt like a bitch, but she knew the endorphin kick of torturing a couple unsuspecting muggles would probably help her through the day. She was still grateful that she had taken that obliviation course so many years ago; it wouldn't do to have her exploits discovered by the aurors because of some traumatized and overly talkative muggle filth. This time she didn't make it to one of the picnick spots or walking trails though; all of a sudden the pain shot up from her leg straight to her head, or so it seemed. She let out a scream and dropped to her knees. The sound seemed to echo both through the woods and in her head, colours flashed in front of her eyes, she couldn't breathe, and for a moment there Bella thought she was going to die. Then the pain subsided, just enough to clear her head and make her crawl up again. She needed to get back to the cabin, she knew that much... In this state she couldn't torture anyone. Supporting herself on nearby trees, she stumbled back, step by step. She could try to apparate, but right now she didn't trust herself not to splinch herself. Then another bout of pain made her lose her balance. Bellatrix could take pain, she had been on the wrong end of a cruciatus often enough to have some tolerance, but the unpredictable jolts of agony that travelled from her leg to seemingly every other body part she had were more than she could take. It took her an hour to reach the cabin, and by that time she was crawling, biting her lip until she tasted blood to prevent her from screaming out. At the door her wish not to appear weak in front of Malfoy won it from the pain for a moment, and she pulled herself up on the cabin wall and opened the door. Lucius was sitting on the couch, reading a book. The moment she entered, he looked up and dropped his book on the spot.

"Bella! Are you all right? Did someone attack you?"

The pain flamed through her leg again, and she crumpled to the floor, answering him with a pitiful moan. Immediately he was by her side, helping her on the couch. Bella wanted to get up again, but the pain prevented her, making it hard to even think straight. Lucius sat bent over her, looking concerned.

"Bella, answer me. What happened?"

The tone of his voice was oddly familiar… in her pain-addled state Bellatrix realized he sounded exactly like the old Malfoy, agitated yet detached and formal. It made her grin, although another jolt turned that grin into a contorted grimace. She choked out,

"Old curse. Left leg. 'S okay."

Lucius lifted her skirt and checked Bella's left leg. A long scar ran over her shin, courtesy of the "old curse" she had mentioned. Once it had healed neatly, but now the scar was thick and deep purple, the surrounding tissue swollen and red with black veins lying close to the skin. He was shocked.

"Merlin…"

It hurt, it hurt worse than the cruciatus. Bellatrix hadn't realized it was possible, but it was; whatever was wrong with her hurt worse than her favourite torture curse. It didn't hurt more –that wasn't physically possible-, it hurt worse. Important nuance. She was vaguely aware that Lucius asked her something.

"How long have you walked around with this?"

She shrugged, wincing.

"Since… w-we got here. T'is just an old curse, no… nothing really…"

She didn't know why she tried to downplay her injury while it was obvious she was in an unearthly amount of pain, and Lucius was staring at her leg as if it was visibly rotting away. Perhaps it was because playing tough gave her an illusion of control? In all honesty, she really didn't know.

"This is bad. I don't know what this is, but I can't do anything about it and it may be deadly. It definitely isn't "nothing", Bella."

"Fuck…"

"Do you know what curse hit you?" Bellatrix barely heard the question… her pain threshold was high but this was a losing game, she could almost feel herself slip away.

"Bella, stay awake. What curse was it?"

"D-don't know…"

She was beyond worrying about looking weak in front of Lucius. She was beyond almost everything, at the moment. The pain was taking its toll on her mind, making it impossible to think. She vaguely heard Lucius' voice.

"Ssssh… You're going to be all right."

Bella felt a hand softly patting her hair, a strangely soft sensation amidst the harsh pain. She closed her eyes and leaned in to the touch, her mind finally giving up the fight and slipping into unconsciousness.

_(Pagebreak)_

Lucius didn't know if she would be all right. He just hadn't known what else to say to the pain-stricken woman on the verge of passing out. He looked at her, wondering what he should do now. Her leg looked bad, as if it were infected or poisoned… She could very well die from it. Lucius closed his eyes and tried to think, order his thoughts. Immediately images of the woman on the couch filled his mind. Bella… She was aggressive, violent, irrational, unreasonable, and sadist, and at times he thought she had to be completely insane. But he knew better. Memories flashed through his head, memories of all the little things that told him there was more to her than sadism and mania. Bella who held him and comforted him when he had nightmares, Bella who had fed him when he had been too weak to even hold a spoon, Bella who laughed cacklingly when he said something witty. Lucius didn't have too many memories anymore, so he cherished the new ones, even the ones that featured Bellatrix hurting him in some way or another. He had since long figured it was just how she was, and that it was nothing personal.

Perhaps in another life he would have loathed Bella, for her moodswings, her careless torture, her often-uncouth language, and her undignified cackling… Yet he had been stuck with her for months, and circumstances had forced him to learn to understand her. Strangely enough, while doing so he had taken a liking to the woman. He definitely didn't want her to die…

Lucius' decision was made when he opened his eyes again. He had to find help for Bella. He didn't know anyone he could go to, and if Bella had spoken the truth they were "kill on sight" for the aurors, but nevertheless… there were some strange specifics to Apparition that would come in handy here… He took Bella in his arms, closed his eyes and concentrated deeply, willing his magic to help him.

_"Please bring us somewhere safe, someplace we won't get arrested, somewhere they can help her…"_

They apparated, and at the arrival Lucius almost dropped Bella because he felt so nauseous. He held the bile back, put the unconscious woman on the ground first, and then emptied his stomach on what appeared to be someone's front lawn. Scourgifying himself with Bella's wand he looked around. They were standing in front of a white house, and no other houses were around. Apparently the magic of emergency apparition had decided this was a safe place where they wouldn't get arrested and where someone would help Bella… He picked her up again and looked apprehensively at the front door. It was his first time venturing outside of known terrain, and he had no idea where they were. Clenching Bella's wand he approached the door and rung the bell. He would never be able to duel while holding Bella, but holding the wood gave him a little extra confidence. A bright "ding-dong-ding" resounded, and he could hear a female voice yell.

"Just a second, I'm coming! Teddy, don't touch that!"

Footsteps approached, and a woman opened the door. Lucius gasped when he saw her… she looked a frightening lot like Bellatrix. Brown curls instead of black ones, slightly larger eyes perhaps, but further a complete carbon copy. It appeared she was as shocked as Lucius was, if not more. Her mouth fell open and in no time she had drawn her wand.

"You! How did you get through the wards!?"

"I… It…"

Lucius didn't know what to say. Held at wandpoint and with his arms full of unconscious Bellatrix he wasn't in the most favourable position…

"Granny whos that cweepy man?"

A small child with turquoise hair had appeared behind the Bellatrix-copy's legs. Her voice was a tone shriller when she ordered it without taking her eyes off Lucius,

"Teddy go back to the kitchen and don't come out before I tell you. GO!"

The child hobbled off, and she glared at Lucius.

"Give me one reason I shouldn't avada you on the spot, Malfoy. I wouldn't even go to Azkaban for it now, so tell me."

Lucius paled under her harsh look. He choked out,

"It was an Emergency Apparition. W-we apparated into the w-wards… Please, I didn't know what to do…"

Andromeda Tonks knew enough about Emergency Apparition to know that it only worked if the apparator bore no ill will; in case of extreme emergency it was even possible to apparate to Hogwarts. She didn't lower her wand, but re-evaluated the situation. Something was amiss here; Lucius Malfoy would never willingly use the word please. Perhaps they had used polyjuice potion, or complex glamors… And the woman in his arms, the Malfoy she knew would never carry anyone like that. She looked a little better at the woman, and her breathing stocked. It was Bellatrix. Yes, there was definitely something amiss here. Malfoy and her sister had fought for the same deluded cause, but she knew they despised each other, always had. An Emergency Apparition shouldn't even be possible for those two! Andromeda didn't know what this was, but these two people definitely weren't who they appeared to be. She glared at them, tightening the grip on her wand.

"Who. Are. You."

"I'm Lucius Abraxas Malfoy, and this is Bellatrix Lestrange. Please don't ask me a security question. Cast any identity spell on me you like, but I don't know anything about myself, I can't answer questions."

His voice was haunted and tense, and what he said just didn't make sense. Andromeda started to think that perhaps someone had fed these people polyjuice potion, and then confounded them. It was the only reasonable explanation she could come up with. The man's eyes were so full of worry and confusion, even fear, that she couldn't imagine him being up to something evil. She motioned inwards.

"Come in. But one wrong movement and your done for, understood?"

Lucius nodded and followed the woman inside. In the living room, she told him to put Bella on a sofa. She watched how he carefully lowered the woman, put a pillow behind her head and wiped the hair from her face. The astonishment could be read on Andromeda's face when Bellatrix grunted as if in pain and Lucius softly whispered something comforting to her, calming her down. These two people were definitely not the stray death eaters they looked like…

**(Author's Notes)**

**So... New chapter, and Lucius comes to the rescue xD It makes sense, even if they didn't really care for each other; he's an opportunist and after all Bella's the one who brings in the food in their household xD**

**I know Andromeda is supposed to be holding this massive grudge against Bellatrix, but that'll become important later. Right now she doesn't even believe they are who they say they are.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! **

**I love each and every one of your reviews, I look forward to them and thrive on them. The proof that people read what I write is what makes writing worthwhile for me. So please?**


	5. Chapter 5

"I will ask you again. Who are you?"

"I told you. I am Lucius Malfoy. I… I know this will probably sound like total nonsense, but I have lost my memory. The only reason I even know my name is because of her." He pointed at Bella, and then looked curiously at Andromeda. "Are you… related to her?"

"She's my sister."

Lucius looked taken aback.

"She… she said her sister was dead…"

Andromeda nodded.

"She had more than one. She hates me though, so I'm not surprised she didn't mention me. Opposite sides of the war and all."

Lucius looked nervous.

"I… will you have us arrested?"

"No. I'm not even sure you are who you say you are. I have known Lucius Malfoy, and he was nothing like you. Why are you even here?"

"Bella got cursed, a bad curse to the leg about a year ago in the war. She thought it had healed, but lately it started hurting again, and today she came back home in terrible pain. Her leg is all swollen and purple-red, I… I feared she would die if I didn't find help."

Andromeda couldn't believe her ears.

"Are you saying you two live together?"

He nodded, and looked up with a deeply desperate look in his eyes.

"She is all I have left. Please… help her."

Twice please on a timespan of less than an hour! If it was really Lucius Malfoy, then losing his memory was probably the best thing that ever happened to him, Andromeda mused. She had cast several identification spells, and they had all told her the same, namely that this man was actually who he said he was, unbelievable as it might be. The only thing more accurate would require blood magic, for which she didn't have the materials. She didn't know what to make of it.

"Let me see it."

He definitely hadn't lied about the injury; it was quickly becoming deadly. Andromeda had been a healer during the war, and she was familiar with lots of sinister magical injuries. She immediately recognized the curse as a slow-working dark curse that first infected muscle tissue, resulting in stiffness, aches and coordination trouble, then the joints, resulting in arthritic symptoms, and finally the nervous system, causing agonizing pains. The treatment in the first phases of the curse was easy, but Bella's injury was far into the last phase of nervous deterioration.

"How long ago did this happen?"

"Approximately a year ago… maybe longer, I'm not sure, I've been unconscious for a while."

"The usual time over which this curse's effects manifests is three weeks, Mr Malfoy."

"Please, call me Lucius. And honestly, she has had that limp forever!"

Three times please. Incredible. Could she make a wish now?

"I'm Andromeda. Have you changed something in your food, lately? Did she take potions to alleviate the pain, healing charms, anything?"

Lucius shook his head.

"I don't know… she cast a numbing charm over her leg, I've never seen her do anything else."

Andromeda suddenly had new respect for her sister, no matter how much she still hated the woman. The curse she had been hit with was incredibly painful, even in the first stages it hurt pretty bad; to cope with nothing but a numbing charm was testimony of a tough character… or of insanity, perhaps more likely in Bellatrix' case.

"Are you certain?"

"The only thing she changed was the morning tea… She used to make tea of birch leaves and bark, but lately she started making tea of Linden flowers because the former tasted so bad."

When hearing that, Andromeda understood.

"Birch bark is a highly potent herbal medicine, Lucius. She was unconsciously self-medicating; the tea slowed down the progression of the curse. When she stopped drinking it the process sped up again."

"Is that even possible? I mean, for birch to do something like that. It's a muggle kind of thing, isn't it?"

There was a glimpse of the old Lucius… if you squinted. Andromeda shook her head dismissively.

"Herbal medicine works on magical as well as muggle ailments, in many cases. It's not because muggles use it too that it's worthless. It probably saved her life."

"Is there anything you can do?"

"I'll try my best, but I'll warn you, in the worst case she may lose the leg."

Lucius bit his lip and nodded.

"Just… don't let her die."

It was a plea, and Andromeda knew it.

"I won't. She's still my sister."

_(Pagebreak)_

Bellatrix woke up in terrible pain. Everything was hazy and blurred, and it felt as if someone was sticking burning knives in her leg. She jolted up with a pained scream, but someone pushed her back down. A comforting, familiar voice said,

"Sssh. Calm down. It'll be over soon now. Sssh."

The pain made it impossible to think, all she wanted to do was cry in agony. The voice said something else, but she didn't hear it, and then they made her drink something. The cool liquid felt nice to her hoarse throat, and as soon as she had swallowed it the all-encompassing torment subsided to a more bearable level. She calmed down, feeling oddly detached, a little floaty. Vaguely she discerned a man bending over her.

"You're going to be fine Bella… Don't worry…"

She felt a hand rake through her curls, and the soft, repetitive gesture made her relax until she drifted away again.

_(Pagebreak)_

Andromeda had been concentrating on her sister's injury, trying to save as much of the leg as possible after stopping the progression of the curse with a very effective counterspell… yet when Bellatrix suddenly woke up during the painful procedure of re-growing the deteriorated muscle tissue, she observed her sister's interaction with Lucius. The man cared for her sister; she could clearly see it. His pleas to save Bellatrix could have been made out of egoistical self-interest, but there was no way to fake the look of worried affection she saw in his eyes when he comforted her sister and administered her a pain-relieving potion. That Bellatrix relaxed when he held her was very telling as well, Andromeda thought, remembering her sister's aversion of being touched as a child. It was clear that since the war, quite a lot had happened to them… She wondered if perhaps her sister had changed. She didn't get her hopes up though; when it came to Bellatrix those hopes had been let down a few times too often. After the operation, she talked to Lucius, trying to coax more information from him. He was reluctant to describe their "home", for security reasons, but from what he told her Andromeda thought it was a small miracle he and her sister hadn't killed each other. One bed, one bathroom? That wasn't even a small miracle anymore… In return, she told Lucius about life after the war.

"Most of the key people were dead, so it was starting over with a clean slate. The ministry, the Hogwarts staff… all new faces. They asked me to become a professor, but I declined. Teddy has to miss so much already with his parents gone… I couldn't disappear from his life as well."

"Teddy?"

"The child you saw at the door. My grandchild."

"And his parents?"

"Father was killed by Antonin Dolohov, one of your colleagues... and his mother… my daughter… was killed by her."

She pointed at Bellatrix with a cold, hard look in her eyes. Lucius looked… could it be… ashamed?

"I don't know much about the war… Bella doesn't speak about it. I don't even know what we were actually fighting for. But… to kill family is wrong, no political cause is worth that much. I am sorry for your loss."

Andromeda was dumbstruck, at loss of what to say. Lucius continued.

"It speaks for you that you still helped your sister, despite the pain she caused you and your family."

"She always was and always will be my sister, Lucius. I may hate her, but that doesn't take away our bond."

He slowly nodded, still looking troubled.

"Is it true, that you are allowed to kill us without danger of prosecution?"

Andromeda nodded.

"It's sad, but true. Half a year after the battle the aurors had caught most of the death eaters, and the DMLE needed their forces elsewhere. All the remaining death eaters were outlawed. Killing on sight is permitted and will automatically be deemed self defence even if the other party was unarmed. As far as I know you two are the only ones still alive."

Lucius looked taken aback.

"That's…"

"Despicable, I know. The new regime is all but perfect. But it's better than what you strived for, at least."

"What did we strive for then?"

"All the power to pureblood families, eradication or enslaving of muggleborn witches and wizards… things like that. Megalomaniac, racist ideas."

If possible, Lucius looked even more ashamed now.

"I have no way of telling whether you speak the truth or not, but that sounds so daft and idiotic I can hardly believe I fought for such a cause."

"Trust me, it was idiotic, and yes you fought for it. You were one of Voldemort's most important lieutenants."

"What a fool I must have been."

He sounded positively disgusted. Andromeda decided, for reasons she didn't understand herself, to have a little mercy on the blonde.

"Perhaps you had other reasons, reasons you no longer understand or know now because you have lost your memory."

"Perhaps."

Lucius looked unconvinced. It was that moment that Bellatrix started to wake up. Moaning sounded from the sofa, and immediately Lucius got up to sit at her side.

"Bella?"

Her eyes were hazy, but she appeared to see him. Weakly she asked,

"Lucius? W-what…"

"I'm here. You're safe now."

"It h-hurt…"

"I know. You've been healed, it won't hurt anymore now."

"Oh… Okay…"

"How are you feeling?"

"T-Tired… W-want to s-sleep."

"Just close your eyes. I'll stay here."

Bella fell asleep quickly again, still under the influence of the strong pain reliever. Lucius caringly stroked her hair.

"Sweet dreams, Bella."

Andromeda couldn't help but smile at the exchange, bitterly and with a heavy feeling in her heart. It was moments like this that she missed Ted most… The thought startled her. Did she really just compare her crazy sister and the pureblood supremacist Lucius Malfoy to herself and Ted Tonks? She did.

"You love her, no?"

Lucius' eyes widened.

"Love her? I… That… No, absolutely not. That's ridiculous. We simply live together. Nothing of sorts."

It was too hasty an excuse, and Andromeda knew what she had seen. She didn't continue to push the issue though. If he wanted to deny the obvious, very well.

_(Pagebreak)_

Bellatrix was moved from the sofa to an empty bedroom. Lucius slept in the chair next to the bed, declining the offer to sleep on the sofa downstairs. Andromeda watched it all wondering if she had been sucked into a parallel universe the moment she had opened her front door. She was pretty sure that if she told anyone about this they wouldn't believe her. In fact, she had been expecting someone to tell her she got pranked big time any moment, until night fell and she had to realize that she voluntarily allowed two wanted criminals to spend the night in her spare bedroom. It was a strange thought and Andromeda tried not to think too deep about it. Part of her wanted to call the aurors, had wanted to mess up the countercurse on Bella's leg… anything to take revenge for the harm done to her family. But there was that other voice too, that told her she was better than that. She had always tried not to stoop to the level of the family that had disowned her… There was no reason she should stop trying now.

**(Author's Notes)**

**Yeah, Andromeda is incredible. She is totally a better person than virtually everyone. And Lucius is cute, no? I think Lucius Malfoy apologizing is enough to make anyone think they've landed in a parallel universe... **

**PLEASE REVIEW! Let me know what you think! I need it!**


	6. Chapter 6

When Bella woke up, her leg didn't hurt so much anymore, all she felt was stiffness and the mild ache she had gotten used to over time. She looked around her in surprise, wondering where she was. She didn't see her wand in the vicinity, so that immediately made her feel apprehensive.

"Good morning."

"Fuck Merlin…"

"I'd rather not, thank you."

Lucius sat on a nearby chair, looking as usual. He had her wand, for some reason that was a comfort. At least now she knew where it was.

"Where are we?"

"I emergency-apparated us, and landed here."

Bella frowned.

"Where is here?"

"Don't freak out."

"It's not Azkaban, it's not St Mungo's, and it's not the Ministry… Get it over with, it can't be that bad."

Lucius visibly swallowed.

"We're at your sister's house. Your… other sister, the one you never…"

The shock hit Bellatrix at the word "sister".

"The one I NEVER WANTED TO SEE AGAIN!"

Bella's relatively calm mood was gone, just completely gone. How dare he bring her in a weakened state to that wretched blood traitor of a sister! How dare he!

"Give me my wand, Malfoy."

"Could you hear me out first?"

"MALFOY!"

Bellatrix tried to get out of bed, but found she couldn't. It only served to make her angrier.

"HOW DARE YOU BIND ME TO THE BED! YOU… YOU TRAITOR!"

"SHUT UP!"

Bella looked at him with raised eyebrows, eerily calm all of a sudden, the opposite of how Lucius felt.

"What is it, Lucy?"

"Listen to me you wretched woman! I didn't know this was your sister's house, I didn't even know you still had a sister! It was an emergency apparition; I had no idea where we would end up! Your sister healed you and let us sleep here, so I'd think she's not half as bad as you make her out to be! She could have killed us, have us arrested, and she didn't! And I may not know her but from what she told me I think she had reason enough to do that. AND SHE DIDN'T! You killed her daughter, and she still helped you! The least you can do is showing a tiny little bit of gratitude!"

In all the time she had lived with Malfoy, Bellatrix had never really once seen him angry. Agitated, irritated, annoyed, vexed… but righteous anger? Never before. It was quite the sight to behold; apparently the Malfoys could even pull off anger with a certain grace. He dropped her wand on the bed.

"There. You have your wand. Have your way with it for all I care."

With that he left the room. He was seething angry for some reason. The things that Andromeda had told him… Rationally, he knew there were always two sides to any history, but Bella had never even bothered to tell him her side of it. It was the fact that in all the time they had spent together she had not once done the effort of properly telling him about the war, what had been at stake, the actual cause, the fighting… It was all a bit much to take. He crossed Andromeda in the hallway, threw her a despaired expression and retreated to the living room.

_(Pagebreak)_

Bellatrix played with her wand and pondered. She didn't know what had made Lucius so angry, but for once she doubted she was the culprit... unless of course, she had managed to piss him off while unconscious. She doubted it.

Bella didn't feel comfortable, knowing she was in her sister's house. Her sister, Andromeda Black. Tonks now, after that filthy mudblood she had married. Bellatrix still scowled at the thought. At the same time though, she started thinking. In any other situation, she would have called her sister's reluctance to kill her a display of weak sentiment… which it probably was. But now? The war was over, the cause was lost, her old master was dead for good, and of her mark remained nothing but ugly scar tissue. She had believed in the cause, believed in it so much that she had been willing to die for it. That didn't take away that she wasn't as crazy as many people said. Bellatrix had always known that her loathing of muggleborns and muggles was largely unfounded… it was just that life was easier when you had something to hate, something to wage war against. In the end it never mattered on which side you were; it wasn't the ideology that gave purpose to life, it was the war itself. War and the power of dark curses, the power of fear and death. It had kept her mind off other things. It had kept her from counting. Yet now the war was long done, and Bella realized that holding on to a failing ideology wouldn't help her survive. She had to choose her battles, and that particular battle had already been lost about a year ago.

She didn't know how much time passed before there was a knock on the door, and she got the first good look at her sister in almost 20 years. Andromeda had lost weight. She looked tired, Bella observed. Her eyes weren't so soft and kind anymore, and her brown curls were greying a little.

"Almost thought you were afraid to come see me."

"Afraid of you? Not at all. Afraid of what I might do to you, that perhaps."

"So, what's the verdict? To kill or not to kill? Or do you prefer me in Azkaban, to stretch the suffering a bit?"

"If I wanted you dead and gone I had plenty of chances to make it so."

"Plenty of chances that you didn't take. Let me guess… sentiment, Andy?"

"Maybe."

Bellatrix scowled at her sister.

"What is it with you, Andy? Or should I call you Tonks now, after that husband of yours?"

"Tonks was my daughter, you know that well enough. Don't test my patience, Bella."

"Who would I be if I didn't?"

"A more agreeable person, perhaps."

"Merlin knows. I don't believe you answered my question, Andy. What is it? What do you want with me? What's up with the lingering in the fucking doorway with your wand clenched behind your back?

Andromeda sighed.

"I hate you, Bella. I really do. But I suck at killing things, even things I hate. I wanted to propose a truce."

"A… truce?"

"You know, the kind of agreement in which two parties decide not to attack or harm each other for a set period of time?"

"I know what a truce is, bitch. But why? Why not torture the life out of me? Take revenge? Get your own back?"

"Because I'm a better person than you are, Bella."

"High flies the moral. And then they call me conceited."

Bella knew she was in a disadvantageous position, she knew Andromeda could easily kill her if she wanted to, but she trusted the woman not to have changed too much over the years for that to happen. Besides, goading her was far too amusing.

"Nothing I can do to you will bring back what you took from me."

"Sure."

They looked at each other, Bellatrix with a provocative, I-dare-you face, her sister with a blank façade. Finally Andromeda asked,

"What's it gonna be?"

She didn't have a lot of hope for her proposal, especially not with the way Bellatrix had been acting. However, Bella threw her a crooked smile and nodded.

"Fine… sister. Truce then. How long?"

"Indefinite period of time. Two weeks notice."

"One week."

"Done."

Andromeda had entered the room now and stuck her hand out, and Bellatrix shook it hesitatingly. Then they looked at each other.

"Now what?"

_(Pagebreak)_

Lucius was downstairs, sitting in the living room. He was staring at the ceiling, but got pulled from his thoughts by a small hand pulling the edge of his robe.

"Hello Siw. Who's you?"

Teddy Lupin, Andromeda's grandchild, was staring up at him, big blue eyes peeking from under messy turquoise hair.

"I am Lucius. Who are you?"

"Me's Teddy. I like your haiw."

"Oh?"

"Look!"

Teddy closed his eyes, and the turquoise hair disappeared, changed into long platinum blonde hair like Lucius had. It made the man raise his eyebrows.

"Granny says long haiw is bad cuz it gets tangles. But I like it."

"So do I."

Teddy frowned a little suspiciously.

"Why did granny say me has to hide in the kitchen? I can nevew go to the kitchen alone!"

"Your granny thought I was dangerous."

Teddy snorted as if it was very hard to believe.

"You? The kitchen is much more dangewous! It has knives and hot plates and shawp thingies evewywhere!"

Lucius didn't know if that counted as an insult or a compliment. The kid looked curiously at him.

"Can I bwaid your haiw?"

"No."

"Oh. Okay. Do you want to see pictuwes of my family?"

"I would like that."

Lucius got up, and Teddy led him to a drawer he could only just reach out to. He pulled out a pack of photos.

"Granny don't like the photos cuz mommy and daddy are dead, but I do. They look alive here."

Teddy proudly showed the pictures to Lucius. "Mommy" was a beautiful, pink-haired woman with a wide grin. "Daddy" was a scarred, slightly dishevelled looking man with kind eyes. Then there were some early baby pics of Teddy himself; alone, in the company of his parents, or with other people that he didn't specify. And at last the child handed him a photo of three adolescent women. Bella, Andromeda, and a pretty blonde one. They were hugging and laughing freely in the photograph…

"That's mom and her dead sistews."

Lucius wanted to say something, but found that he couldn't. He kept staring at the photograph, his eyes fixed on the laughing blonde. Somewhere in the back of his mind he got a bad feeling.

"Mr Lucius, are you okay?"

Lucius handed the picture back, absentmindedly.

"I'm fine, thank you. Just a little tired."

"You should take a nap. I take naps too, and I'm nevew tired!"

"Perhaps I will do that."

"Okay! I go play now, kay?"

Without waiting for an answer, the child hobbled out the door. Lucius sat down, trying to get the image of the woman out of his mind. He had… recognized her. Could his memory be coming back? He gasped for breath as a sudden flash of something else came before his eyes, just a fraction of a second. He hadn't seen what it was, but it was nothing good… Lucius suddenly found himself wishing he were still at the cabin with Bella, playing cards, re-reading books, holding shouting matches without ill intent… He had fussed so much over his missing memories, but confronted with the possibility they might be returning… he wondered if perhaps he had forgotten them for a reason.

_(Pagebreak)_

"So, you and Lucius?"

"Me and Lucius what, Andy?"

Andromeda rolled her eyes.

"It's not like you to shack up with a person you hate for no good reason."

"He was there."

"Where?"

"Malfoy Manor, when they killed Cissy and Draco. He has seen it, but he doesn't remember."

Andromeda was starting to understand, or so she thought.

"I see. You're leading him on so you can extract memories?"

"Leading him on to what? We're just too people who both happen to be on the run for the law, and he happens to have something I need. So what? I have a lot of things he needs too. It's not "leading on", it's called calculated opportunism."

Andromeda shook her head, but didn't say anything. When she spoke, it was about something else.

"Cissy…"

"She hung apart when I found her. All cuts and broken bones. Couldn't even tell what had killed her with all the injuries."

Andromeda was pale, and Bella grinned.

"Already can't handle the thought? Then I certainly shouldn't share the memory… And here I thought Healer training made you resistant to blood and gore…"

"She was our SISTER, Bellatrix!"

A hard, detached look appeared in the black haired woman's eyes.

"I know that, Andy. But she's dead, and crying over the dead is no use. I rather go after the living ones responsible."

Andromeda swallowed and shook her head.

"I will never understand you, Bella."

"You don't have to. I'm not a NEWT subject. No one's gonna question you about me… Oh wait, they probably did question you about me, didn't they? Bummer…"

"I'm going to check on Lucius. You shouldn't leave your bed yet; your leg is still healing. If you overexert it now you may never walk properly again."

With that Andromeda ended the conversation.

**(Author's Notes)**

**Yay! Lots of evolution, I think. Lucius gets angry and starts to remember things, Teddy admires his hair (Admit it he's adorable! ... Teddy, not Lucius. Although opinions may vary, of course.) and Andromeda and Bellatrix have their first conversation in a long, long time. **

**And yeah, duh, of course Lucius' memories are extremely unpleasant and traumatic. Because I love Lucius Angst. **

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**I cherish my reviewers... I NEED your comments, your opinions! Please, please, pretty please with a kitty on top? Cookies and cake and kittens for my reviewers! (and perhaps some Haribo cherries too 3)**


	7. Chapter 7

Lucius slept on the couch that night. He missed Bella's warm body against him, was feeling uncomfortable without her. Yet he was exhausted so soon sleep overwhelmed him anyway, comfortable or not. And that's when it started.

_"You have failed me, Lucius."_

Pain. Flashing images. Red eyes.

_"Your family has failed me."_

Despair. Cold floor tiles. Glass shattering.

_"The consequence of failure is punishment."_

Fear. Pain. A rustling black cloak. Trembling voice.

_"Do you know what will be your punishment, Lucius?"_

Agony.

Bathing in sweat, Lucius woke up on the couch, his heart racing and his mind still half caught in the warped mental images when he looked around in panic. He calmed a bit when he realized where he was… the calm fleeted however when he realized he remembered his nightmare. Usually he never remembered them, yet now the images and the raspy, threatening voice still echoed through his head. Shocked, Lucius lay back down. He tried to fight the sleep to prevent another nightmare, but it was no use…

_"Your son."_

No. More begging. Pain.

_"Stop that pathetic snivelling, Lucius."_

A wand pointed, limbs sprawled out in odd angles, screaming.

Stiff. Can't turn away. Eyes forced to watch.

_"Please! Please father! AAAAARGH!"_

Too much. Far too much. Far too long.

Screaming reduced to mewling. Dead eyes.

_"You asked for mercy, didn't you? Well, have some yourself!"_

Cold laugh. A green flash. Crying.

The second time he woke up, his mind was full of incoherent images that filled him with dread and fear. He knew he had to get away, he had to so something, he had to stay awake… but it was as if his mind was determined to make him remember. Lucius had only just gotten off the couch when sleep overcame him like a curse and he sank down on the floor, too tired to keep his eyes open.

Defiance. Courage from pain. Terrible mistake.

_"You dare defy me? Have you not had enough punishment?"_

Angry red eyes. Fuzziness.

_"Lucius? What is wr-…?"_

Waking up. Pain. Blood. Frightened blue eyes.

_"See what you have done, Lucius?"_

Fuzziness. Vague screaming. Everything is vague.

Waking up. More blood. Cold laughter.

_"Still feeling defiant now?"_

Begging. Laughter. Fuzziness.

Waking up. High pitched screams. Red, red everywhere.

_"And to think you could have avoided this…"_

Cold steel. Red, painted red. Laughter, laughter echoes.

Waking up. No more screaming. Nothing left. Such agony.

Lucius woke up, screaming this time. He didn't understand it. He didn't understand anything of it, but the delirious nightmares had him caught up in panic. He didn't want to remember. He had to stop it. He didn't want to remember.

"Lucius? Is something wrong?"

Andromeda in a nightgown, holding her wand. Her wand…

"Andromeda…"

"Lucius, what happened? You look terrible!"

Breathless, he whispered,

"Please. N-need to borrow your wand."

"What?"

Another person entered the room. Bellatrix, half dressed and limping, resting herself against the doorpost.

"What is going on?"

"Bella I told you to stay in bed!"

"Fuck you, I just wanted to see what was happening here…"

Andromeda's attention was gone, she had turned her head to scold her sister. Lucius grabbed his chance and quickly plucked her wand from her hand.

"Lucius! What the…"

He looked pleading at her and whispered.

"I'm sorry. I d-don't… don't want to remember."

Bellatrix' sleepy eyes widened when she realized what was going on… From the door-opening she yelled.

"Andy don't let him…!"

Lucius held the wand to his temple and said.

_"Obliviate."_

Everything became vague, disappeared into a mist. Then… nothing.

_(Pagebreak)_

Andromeda and Bellatrix watched how Lucius' eyes glazed over, and he dropped to the floor. Andy caught him before he could hit the ground, putting him back on the sofa.

Bellatrix limped into the room, seeking support on the furniture.

"He… he obliviated himself…" Andy sounded as if she still couldn't believe it. She eyed her sister. "Did… Did he cause his own memory loss?"

Bellatrix scowled, but Andromeda could see the worry in her eyes.

"No… You can't obliviate yourself properly. To remove memories the caster needs to focus on them. Removing the thing you have to focus on from your mind is not good for your concentration, if you know what I mean. It makes the spell unstable. That can turn out in a multitude of ways, all of which are… undesirable."

She looked at Lucius. He wasn't waking up in complete confusion after having irreversibly damaged his mind, so that only left one other option…

"That idiot. Right now he's probably reliving exactly the memories he tried to remove. Whatever those might be."

"How… how do you know?"

It was four am, and Andromeda wasn't really prepared for any of this.

"I took a specialized course in obliviation once. Always wanted to work in that sector before the war. Tinkering with thoughts, messing with people's minds… you know. It still comes in handy sometimes."

She looked at Lucius, and Andromeda couldn't really place her look.

"The positive thing is, however, that while he's reliving those memories, they are brought to the forefront of his mind. If you happen to have a pensieve we can extract them and join the fun."

Bellatrix let out a dry cackle. Andy didn't think it funny, but she nodded.

"I have a pensieve."

_ (Pagebreak)_

The memories they extracted from Lucius' mind were horrible. Andromeda had only watched the first one when nausea overcame her and she had to pull back, throwing up her dinner in the nearest flowerpot. Unexpectedly, Bellatrix pulled out of the memory as well, holding her sister's hair while she emptied her stomach. Andy felt tears burn behind her eyes, the sour taste of bile lingering in her mouth.

"T-that monster…"

Bella didn't say anything at first. She just patted Andromeda's back until the worst was over.

"We have to watch the rest as well. Are you going to keep it in?"

Andy nodded weakly. There was nothing left in her stomach anyway, and how much worse could it become?

It turned out it could become much worse. The first memory had shown Voldemort, torturing Lucius first, and then Draco. He had tortured the young man into insanity while forcing his father to watch, unable to move or make a sound. Then he had laughed at the drooling, empty shell that was Draco Malfoy, and told Lucius to have mercy on his son, to kill him. Lucius had killed Draco with a swift Avada Kedavra, trembling and crying. That had been the moment Andromeda had pulled out.

The rest was far, far worse. Voldemort had then told Lucius to follow him to the battlefield. Mad with rage and despair, Lucius had defied him, told him no. Told him he would never follow him again. In answer, Voldemort had put him under the Imperius and ordered him to Narcissa's parlor, where he had been forced to rape his own wife. As soon as he had fucked her until she bled, Voldemort had lifted the curse for a moment, making Lucius realize what he had done, mocking him for his weakness… Then he put him under the curse again, increasing the brutality of his orders. Bellatrix and Andromeda watched how Lucius forcefully cut their sister apart, every cut deeper and more vicious, how he kicked her until her bones broke through her once so fair skin. And every so often Voldemort lifted the curse, confronting Lucius with what he had done, only to mock him and make him do even worse the next time. They didn't know how long it lasted, but it lasted too long. Eventually Lucius lay broken on the floor of the parlor, a sobbing mess in the blood of his own wife. Voldemort left him there and disapparated.

They watched how he got up, and saw how he washed himself, redressed, and combed his hair… all on autopilot, his eyes expressionless and vacant. He sat himself down at the dinner table; wand in front of him, hands on the tabletop, eyes emptily staring at the wall. With that the memory ended.

Andromeda threw up again, on the floor this time; sour stomach acid for that was all there was left to come up. Her eyes met Bella's, and she saw her sister was crying as well. For a while they just sat there in the half-dark, the only light coming from the softly glowing pensieve full of horror…

"How… how can anyone b-be s-so evil?"

Andromeda's voice trembled with shock and disgust, while despite her tears Bella sounded oddly pensive when she answered.

"He had no soul. Or at least, no mentionable one."

_(Pagebreak)_

Bellatrix' mind was working in overdrive, while tears kept running over her cheeks. She just couldn't stop crying. She didn't cry for Cissy. She had already seen her sister's corpse back at the Manor, she had known what to expect. She didn't cry for the cruelty and horror of what had happened either; Merlin knew she had done some pretty horrific things in her days, in a deranged way she was used to it. It was to her own surprise that she realized she cried for Lucius. Lucius, who had killed his own son, raped and mutilated his own wife, all that while controlled like a puppet on strings but just aware enough for it to be torture. All that time she had lived with him… lived with the murderer of her sister… Bella mentally shook her head before she could start to get angry with him. The murderer of her sister was dead. Harry Potter had killed him, and for the first time since the end of the war Bella realized she didn't mind him being dead anymore. She didn't mind at all, actually. It wasn't the death of her sister that made her think so, it was the way her old Master had gone about it. Honourless. Not a display of power, but one of weakness, Bella thought. The Malfoys hadn't been enemies to his cause, even in punishment they should have been treated better.

It would be easy to hate Lucius, to hold what he had done against him… She had always taken that road, hating on a convenient scapegoat because that gave her life direction. The moment she thought that, she knew she wouldn't take that road this time. Maybe she would have to try follow her sister's example and be the better person this time.

Lucius… His mind must have been so terribly damaged… it probably still was. Pain, shock, guilt, lots of unforgivables used on a short timespan… It was a miracle he had even woken up from that plant-like state she had found him in. And now he was reliving it all, again. Everything his mind had been so desperate to make him forget. Everything that had begun to mend and heal in those months of amnesia would be raw and bleeding again soon…

Bellatrix noticed she was holding her sobbing sister. She didn't push her away. Andromeda might have taken care of lots of ugly, bloody battle-wounds… but she had never seen war. Now she had, the worst face of it, the cruel, insane and disgusting one. Bellatrix held her sister close, because in her own way she understood. That didn't mean she liked the women any more, of course.

_(Pagebreak)_

Lucius' waking up was every bit as painful as they had expected. He woke up with an agonizing scream, and that was only the beginning. He cried, screamed, pulled his own hair out... They couldn't approach him, as violent outbursts of accidental magic made his surroundings dangerous. It lasted for two days, and in the end he sat trembling and whimpering in a corner, knees to his chest, one hand tangled in his hair and the other one wrapped around him. His look was somewhere between vacant and panicked, as if he drifted between the detached state of catatonia and the harsh reality. Andromeda had theoretical knowledge about mental illness, trauma and curse damage… but still she didn't have a clue of what she was supposed to do now. Bellatrix did though. Andy watched in astonishment how Bella approached Lucius on hands and knees and sat next to him, gently freeing his cramped hand from his tangled hair.

"I know you wanted to forget. I know."

As soon as his hand was free she calmly rubbed it while softly whispering things to him. Andromeda couldn't make out all she said, but one thing she heard clearly.

"Come back to me. I'll protect you, I promise. Just come back."

And at last, Lucius turned his head and looked at Bella. She took him in her arms and held him close, and as soon as she had him firmly in her embrace he began to let it out. Pained, desperate sobs coming from somewhere deep inside racked through his body, and Bella just sat there and let him cry in her arms. Andromeda felt she was too much all of a sudden…

_(Pagebreak)_

After a rather heavy dose of Dreamless Sleep potion Lucius was unconscious at last, cradled in Bella's arms. She looked questioning at her sister.

"You know we can't stay here."

"Bella, you have seen the state he is in. At least let me try to help."

"Do you want Teddy to see this? Honestly? Not to mention that I have no idea how well Lucius can still control his magic, being around him could be dangerous. It's better if we go back, we've managed all the time before."

"Bella don't do this. Please."

"I'm right and we both know it."

Andromeda closed her eyes. She wouldn't want Teddy to see Lucius in this state indeed… If she was entirely honest, she didn't want any of the two death eaters in her house. Why was she even doing this, practically begging Bella to stay? She should be happy that they were disappearing from her life again! But the thought of the two of them alone in some small forest cabin, living on meat and birch bark? And how could Bella collect food if she had to watch over Lucius all the time? Somehow, it didn't sit right with her.

"If you go, I'll send you food and medication. No one ever has to know."

Bella looked unexpectedly grateful.

"Thanks… sister."

"You're welcome."

**(Author's Notes)**

**YES! So now the mystery has been cleared up at last. I bet you all saw it coming big time (I'm kind of transparent in those things, I know...) This was definitely my favorite chapter to write. I'm terrible, I know, but I just love having my characters in various states of illness and desperation. **

**Also, Bella cries. O_O *shock* For those who think it's unlikely that she would cry...We all know that Bella likes torture, duh... but in this story I've tried to portray her as someone who is perhaps mentally damaged, but not entirely lacking in honor and dignity. She likes torture, but back in the war she tortured for a Cause, not "just because". Voldemort's behavior disgusts her not because he did what he did, but because he betrayed his own Cause with it, technically. **

**(Yes, I know that Bellatrix' torturing of hikers and picnickers is "just because"... But she erases their memories so they're not left traumatized, and she doesn't make them go insane, so I don't think it counts. She's a sadist, and sadists have needs too, I can know.)**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**I love, love, LOVE reviews. I need them. I thrive on them. Especially now! I want to know whether you liked my big plot development, yes or no. Every time someone lets me know they've read the story and what they think of it, my heart is warmed. Critics and compliments are equally welcome!**


	8. Chapter 8

Lucius' memories came back, bit by bit, and every bit was a struggle. Bella still shouted and threw stuff at him, she still ran out the door to cruciate muggle hikers when she got frustrated, and she still made acidic comments… Yet when it came to it… She fed Lucius calming draught, let him sleep in her arms, read to him from the books Andromeda sent her, and made sure she never left him alone long enough for him to hurt himself, even checking the bathroom if necessary. She was still coming to terms with the fact she actually cared about that, that she cared about anything of it at all. Bella told herself it was only a matter of pride; no one should have to turn to self-harm when in the same house as her, it was practically an insult to her craft. With that slightly nonsensical thought she pushed the feeling away once more. But pushing feelings away only goes so far…

_(Pagebreak)_

Bellatrix didn't think she was good at caring. She had never wanted children, knowing that she didn't have a motherly bone in her body. She hadn't cried for her husband when he died. She had cast away her sister and killed her cousins without a hint of remorse. Bella didn't know what kind of person that made her, but it sure as hell wasn't a caring one. She scowled, looking at Lucius who was asleep in bed. Bellatrix Lestrange didn't do caring, as simple as that. Only, she did. The thought was highly disturbing, but undeniable. It had lingered in the back of her mind for quite some time, occasionally slipping to the forefront only to be repressed and rationalized, and now the point had come where Bella couldn't ignore it anymore. She cared for Lucius Malfoy. The murderer of her sister, a treacherous part of her brain still reminded her. Bella decided that when she died she would get her hands on the malicious spirit who put this into workings and make him regret messing with her, but for now there was nothing to do about it. She actually cared for Lucius.

She cared enough not just to want him to live, but to want him to have something to live for. It was a strange feeling. As her hand softly caressed Lucius' tangled blonde tresses, she smiled bitterly.

"Look what you did now, you absolute idiot."

She wasn't entirely sure that was meant for Lucius.

_(Pagebreak)_

It was paradoxical, but the more Lucius remembered, the less he seemed to understand it all. He remembered his life now, but it was like watching someone else's memories in a pensieve. They felt wrong somehow, alien. He knew he had done the things he remembered, and he knew why, and the reasons he remembered made sense given the context… yet still.

He stood outside the cabin, watching the falling autumn leafs. The wind blew through his hair as he pulled his robe closer around him. He heard the creak of the front door, and he knew Bella was there too. Staring at the sky he said.

"I remember who I am, Bella… But I am not who I remember. Not anymore."

In the months he had been without memory, he had been obliged to become a new person. To start from scratch. Even now he remembered all again, those months formed a discrepancy, a glitch in his mind. Inconsolable with what had come before. There hung a silence, only broken by the howling of the wind and the rustling of leafs… Then Bella's voice resounded.

"We are born with no memories, but who we are is already inside us. Otherwise all babies would be identical and you know well enough that's not the case. What we become and how we act may be determined by our memories, but who we are, our core being, is set."

"Do you honestly believe that, Bella?"

"If I wouldn't, do you think I would still be alive? You have been to Azkaban. Do you think you can survive 14 years of that shit without honestly believing that you won't lose who you are because of it?"

"No. But I don't think I would have survived 14 years of Azkaban anyway. I barely survived a month in that hellhole."

There was a silence, again. Then she said,

"You're an idiot, Lucius. Come inside before you catch a cold."

Lucius followed her inside. He remembered Bellatrix from during the war, and he remembered her after it. The women in his memory were alike enough to be unmistakably one and the same, yet different enough to confuse him.

He had tried to keep them apart, to draw a thick line between "before" and "after", not just for his memory of Bellatrix but for all his memories. He had tried to remain the person he remembered from the months after, thinking that was how it was supposed to be. It didn't work. Memories and impressions mixed, ignoring the lines he drew.

"You're looking awfully pensive. What are you plotting? Should I be concerned?"

Lucius frowned at Bellatrix, who sat backwards on a chair and dangerously wiggled from side to side with it. She threw him a wide, toothy grin.

"What? Why're you looking at me like that?"

He raised an eyebrow, and Bellatrix cackled.

"Morgana's tits, you look just like Snape!"

For a moment his lips quirked... but the half-hearted smile turned into a frown when he remembered how his old friend had died. Bella noticed it, and in response her dark eyes gained a serious glint.

"You are who you are, Lucius. That's all there is to know. Just roll with it. You survived up to now, I'm pretty sure you'll make it a little further too."

It was strangely comforting to hear her say that.

"I suppose."

Bella wiggled a bit too much and the chair collapsed, making her fall hard on her bum. She laughed cackling once again, couldn't even get up so hard she was laughing. Lucius watched her and felt the urge to shake his head. Was he taking advice from a madwoman? Well, maybe advice from a madwoman was exactly what he needed. He got up and pulled Bellatrix from the floor.

"You're going to break your neck one day, you know that."

"One day, but not today!"

Maybe he should try to be a little more like Bella, and think a little less about it all. Live in the moment and all that.

_(Pagebreak)_

Not all days were as good. Some days he couldn't gather the courage to even get out of bed. Some days he got out of bed only to look for something to hurt himself. Some days the nightmares got the better of him even in the daylight, leaving him lost in memories. It was a day of the last kind. Bellatrix found Lucius curled up in a corner of the bedroom. He really had something with corners on bad days, she thought when she slowly approached him. She heard him whisper,

"Please… please kill me instead… d-don't… no, not again… please…"

She sat down and held him, knowing that was all she could do. Her hands softly raked through his long blonde tresses as he whimpered and trembled in her arms. Caring was an odd feeling… Bella had always thought any display of weakness would make her loathe a person, that sentiment made someone liable, an easy victim. She had thought she would never respect someone who couldn't keep his emotions in check. Yet now she was holding Lucius as he cried his eyes out, and she didn't loathe or disrespect him. On the contrary even. She respected him far more now than in the years she had known him with his stoic mask firmly in place.

When he eventually broke free from the nightmare, he looked at her and asked softly.

"How can you even stand to look at me?"

She rolled her eyes theatrically.

"Don't talk nonsense, I've had more than enough time to get used to your complexion."

"W-Why don't you just kill me? I deserve to die."

Now she gave him a stern look.

"You do not deserve to die."

"What I d-did was unforgivable."

"Maybe. I killed my sister's daughter on my own accord, in full control of my own actions, and at the time I had great fun over it. And still my sister didn't think I deserve to die. Moreover, despite what I did to her she helped us while she could have killed us or called the authorities. Now tell me, Lucius. Were you in full control of your own actions? Did you kill on your own accord? Did you have fun while doing it?"

He shook his head.

"Then what makes you think you deserve to die? If I didn't deserve death, then you certainly don't."

"I s-should have fought it…"

"You couldn't. None of us could and you know it."

"I… I want to die. I am weak. I… I c-can't let it go. I'm c-confused all the time. I just want it to end."

"You aren't weak. Greater minds have broken under a fraction of what you've been through, never to regain even a semblance of sanity. If anyone can know it's me, I have tortured more people than any other death eater. Brilliant Unspeakables, courageous Aurors, in the end all their brains and brawl didn't save them from going mental. But you survived, Lucius. I don't know what to call that, but it definitely isn't weak."

Bella would never pretend she was good at comforting and encouraging people. She simply stated facts as she saw them. It appeared to work though. Lucius looked at her with big, slightly disbelieving eyes. Then he looked at his feet again and sighed.

"I don't know how to live with myself."

Bellatrix laughed.

"Does anyone know? I mean, I certainly don't, I just improvise all day."

Despite everything, it made a hint of a smile break through in Lucius' eyes. She helped him up.

"Come, let's see if there are still some of those chocolate cookies left. I'm having a craving all of a sudden."

In the kitchen, while Bellatrix was looking for the last of Andromeda's cookies with her back towards Lucius, he suddenly said.

"I don't understand why you care."

It was as if he had read her mind. Bella stopped what she was doing and turned around, meeting haunted silvery eyes.

"Why? I have asked myself the same question often enough. I don't know why." She limped closer to Lucius, until she stood right in front of him. "But a fact is, I care."

Lucius' eyes widened.

"R-Really?"

Bella rolled her eyes.

"Of course I do you idiot. Do you think I would do all what I do if I didn't care?"

And with that, all was said.

_(Pagebreak)_

"Sometimes I wonder why we're still alive."

"We're survivors, that's why."

"But… why? There is nothing left to live for."

They were sitting outside in the winter cold. All the leaves were gone, and the wind had become icy. Bellatrix watched Lucius. She had asked herself the same question often enough, but as usual her brain refused to remain stuck in a loop so she had let the question go and accepted she didn't know the answer.

It was strange, she thought. She had never bothered with existential questions, saying she was too no-nonsense to keep thinking the same thing over and over again. Yet she knew there were 17 knives in the cupboard, 12 forks, 10 spoons of which one was a soup spoon, 7 plates of which two were chipped, and 8 glasses although there used to be 9 before she threw one at Lucius' head one day. She knew the number of pots and pans, the number of tiles against every tiled wall, the number of pillows and the number of pages in every book in the house. She counted, and her mind ran in circles over and over again as if the answer to existence was hidden in the number of stupid, unimportant objects. It was tragically humorous in a way, but Bellatrix couldn't bring herself to laugh about it, for once in her life.

"Tell me, Bella… do you have something to live for?"

Lucius had turned and looked at her, questioning… and in a sudden moment of clarity, she knew. She knew what she had to do, what she was bound to do anyway some time, and she decided to do it right then, right there.

"As a matter of fact, I do."

"Then what is it?"

Bella grinned and tackled Lucius, suddenly jumping on him like a cat catching prey.

"I live to give you something to live for."

And she pressed her lips on Lucius mouth in a desperate kiss, which despite everything he answered with equal hunger. We all make do, she thought in the last glimpse of fading clarity. And when we don't have something to live for, we find something. It was her last relatively coherent thought. They stumbled inside, not letting go of each other, not even reaching the bedroom in their ardour. They ripped their clothes off and fucked on the couch until they were both exhausted. Afterwards, Bella lay sleepily in Lucius' embrace. She was happy. For the first time in years, possibly. Who would have thought, right? They were two severely damaged people with undesirable pasts and lack of future plans. Maybe it was madness, but madness might just be exactly what they needed… Bellatrix closed her eyes and smiled.

"You are so pretty when you smile…"

Her smile turned into a grin before she knew it. She turned at him and gave him a manic look.

"Really now?"

Lucius smirked.

"You wretched woman."

"You total idiot."

They both laughed, and their laughter was quite possibly the most liberating sound to ever resound through the cabin…

**(Author's Notes)**

**So, yes, the story is finished. There is an epilogue (already written out and everything!), which I will be posting if there's demand. I really hope you enjoyed this story, and I also hope I will have persuaded a couple more people to the Lucitrix ship xD **

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

**This may be the last chapter of this story, so please, please review! Just let me know what you thought of it, it makes my day, my week even, to have completed a story and see that people actually read it! And if you're interested in the epilogue, just say so! ;)**


	9. Epilogue

**EPILOGUE**

She couldn't give up now, she couldn't. But it hurt, it hurt, it hurt… She was so terribly tired… A soft hand caressed her hair and wiped the sweat off her forehead, but her eyes were unfocussed and she couldn't tell who or what it was. The pain wasn't the worst she had ever experienced, but she had never been more scared. It was new pain, different from all torture she knew. Another scream escaped her lips and she gasped for breath. She had no energy left. She couldn't do this. Her whole body ached and she wanted nothing more than to let go and sleep…

"Stay with me, Bella. Don't give up now, it's almost over."

A familiar, soothing voice. She couldn't place it, but it was good. For a moment she felt calm, then the pain returned full force, like a wave crashing over her, pushing the air from her lungs with its strength. She opened her mouth but couldn't even scream anymore. Her already blurred vision started to darken again.

"Breathe, Bella. You're doing fine, just breathe."

The voice calmed her again, and once more she gasped for breath, only to be overwhelmed by pain again. She could practically feel herself rip open, blood leaking on the floor and soaking her dress, but it didn't matter. It was almost over now. Tiredness overcame her, and she closed her eyes. Vaguely she heard a small cry, one that drew a smile from her lips. With that smile still on her lips, her tired mind surrendered to darkness…

_(Pagebreak)_

"Neville! I'm so glad you could make it!"

Andromeda embraced him, and the man happily answered her hug. Neville Longbottom had survived the war, but only barely. He was within an inch of death when they had carted him off to St Mungo's, where he had stayed for months, floating between life and death. When he finally woke from his coma, he had been faced with the true cost of it all. His friends were dead, his grandmother was dead, he had no surviving family that could care for him… Andromeda had always diligently visited him, and he was certain that if not for her he wouldn't have made it. She had been his only incentive to hold on. Even now his extensive injuries were no more than scars, loneliness and hurtful memories were never faraway… He broke the embrace and smiled at the elderly woman.

"Well, how are the little ones?"

Andromeda smiled brightly and led him inside. On the carpet, two small children were playing. The oldest one, a happy looking six-year-old with bright blue hair, jumped up and threw himself at Neville.

"Uncle Neville!"

He ruffled the boy's blue tresses.

"Good to see you, Teddybear!"

The child frowned.

"I'm not a baby anymore, don't call me that!"

Neville nodded.

"Of course. How is your brother?"

Teddy grinned.

"He ate the soap in the bathroom yesterday."

Andromeda's youngest charge, Scorpius, was a tiny blonde two-year-old with a liking of all things he could put in his mouth and possibly swallow. So far he had managed to eat a couple crayons, a knut, three buttons of his coat, a yarn thread –although Andromeda had managed to pull that one out again- the head of a wizarding chess piece, and now apparently a piece of soap. Neville chuckled, knowing that the youngest Black had already made more than one trip to the St Mungo's children's ward for his feeding habits. He turned to the small child and picked it up, apparently disturbing it in the progress of sucking on a magical pen. The kid protested heavily when Neville took the deep purple glitter pen from him.

"Unca Neville!"

"Does your mother know you're eating her pens?"

Scorpius guiltily shook his head, and then tried to grab the thing from Neville's hand anyway. Neville laughed and put it out of reach on the table, making the small child in his lap frown and prepare for a crying fit.

"Teddy, why don't you ask your gran if she brings a platter of cookies here? I think your little brother wants something to chew on."

The prospect of cookies seemed to calm the little one down. As Teddy ran to the kitchen to ask for the dessert, Neville observed Scorpius. He had light blonde hair and coal black eyes, quite an unusual combination. Andromeda had said that he was a war orphan, sort of. His father had been killed in the war and his mother had died during childbirth, and there were no living relatives left to take care of the baby. Apparently Andromeda had been a close friend of his mother before the war, and so he had arrived in her care. She had called him Scorpius Black, using her maiden name and honouring her family's tradition of naming children after constellations. Neville found that the child reminded him of someone, but he couldn't really place whom. Scorpius really looked like Andromeda as well, so much that Neville sometimes wondered if she had perhaps blood-adopted him. Either way, he liked the child, so much even that he hadn't hesitated when Andy had asked him to be his godfather. He looked up from his musings when he heard Andy's playful voice.

"I see you've kept Scor from eating more of my writing equipment…"

She had entered the living room again, holding a plate full of chocolate cookies. Neville nodded and gave a cookie to the blonde child in his lap. Teddy had clearly had his share of cookies in the kitchen, judging from the chocolate stains around his mouth. Andromeda set the platter down, took a chair, and they started their conversation, discussing life at Hogwarts, the new students, Neville's latest Herbology project… Neville was happy to be there. Andromeda's house always felt much more like home than his quarters at Hogwarts…

_(Pagebreak)_

Eventually Andy excused herself to go change Scorpius' nappy, leaving Neville alone with Teddy. He watched the child, who sat on the carpet with a small pile of pictures and changed his hair and facial features to somewhat match the people who were depicted. He held a specific one, and then suddenly changed his hair to long golden blonde hair. Neville heard him talk to himself.

"Like gran's dead sister…"

He smiled, seeing that Teddy obviously was holding a picture of Narcissa. She had been married to a death eater, but according to Andromeda she had never truly engaged in Voldemort's plans. She had been a victim as well. He was just thinking that when the golden blonde hairdo made place for one in another shade of blonde, lighter and without waves, reaching just over Teddy's shoulder. A shock went through him.

"And like Mr Lucius…" Neville wondered why Teddy would have a picture of Lucius Malfoy… and why the child would know the man's name when he didn't know Narcissa's… Fascinated and slightly worried, he watched the child's play. He was still watching the same picture when his blonde Lucius-hairdo made place for a tangled mess of black curls. Neville couldn't believe his ears when he caught Teddy saying,

"And Missus Bella…"

Something was amiss here. Neville couldn't help it; he still felt his mouth become dry when he thought about Bellatrix Lestrange. To see Teddy, little Teddy, change his hair to match hers and call her "Bella"… He got up from his chair and went to sit with Teddy, who didn't even notice him, engrossed in his game as he was.

"Can I see those pictures, Teddy?"

The child looked up, and immediately he morphed back to his own features, hiding the photos. He looked startled and a little panicked.

"Please don't tell granny I went in her desk again!"

Neville shook his head. So Teddy wasn't supposed to have those photos… That would explain some things, but not everything.

"I won't tell. Can I see them?"

Reluctantly, Teddy gave the pictures. There were a couple of his parents, some old school friends of Andromeda, Andy together with a healer colleague he didn't know, a picture of her with her two sisters back in Hogwarts, a beautiful portrait photo of Narcissa that had been used in her obituary, and at last a relatively recent picture that made him gasp for breath. It was a picture taken outside a wooden cabin surrounded by trees. Two people stood on it. One was a woman, not young by far but still beautiful in a way, with tangled black curls framing her face and a wide, slightly insane grin decorating it. The other was a tall man with long blonde hair, deep-lying worried eyes and a soft, pensive smile. The woman held her arms around a swollen belly, and the man looked with unhidden admiration at her, before she turned and elbowed him in the side, which made him laugh.

Neville didn't know what shocked him more, that it was a recent picture of two of his archenemies, that it displayed such human emotions, or that Bellatrix was obviously pregnant. While he stared at the picture, puzzle pieces started to fall in place in his head. That blonde hair, so much like that of his dear godson… The obvious pregnancy… Andy's dodgy story to explain Scorpius' adoption… He just didn't know what to say or think anymore.

"Uncle Neville? Uncle Neville, are you okay?"

He looked at Teddy and didn't know what to say.

"D-Do… Do you know these people?"

Teddy seemed uneasy now.

"You shouldn't see that photo… it's a secret…"

More mysteries. More lies. Neville bit his teeth and shook his head.

"You know me, I would never tell anyone."

"Oh… Okay. It's Mr Lucius and Missus Bella. They came here only once. I don't remember well because I was still very small, but it was special because I had to hide in the kitchen when they came. Mr Lucius was nice. A bit weird though. I didn't see Missus Bella but I think she was here too because I heard granny yelling at a woman. That's all I remember."

"And… this photo?"

Teddy blushed.

"I found it when I went to take the pictures to play with. Granny said they were Mr Lucius and Missus Bella, and that they were a secret so I couldn't take the picture again…" He hesitated. "But I like Mr Lucius' hair so much and it's hard to do without a picture."

Neville was baffled. Completely baffled.

"Thank you for telling me this. Can I borrow this picture?"

Teddy shook his head.

"It's secret. I have to put it back in the drawer."

"Okay, then go do that. I… I need to use the bathroom."

Neville didn't go to the bathroom; he immediately went to see Andromeda. She was playing with Scorpius in her room and didn't notice him entering.

"Andy, we have to talk."

"Huh?"

"About Scorpius. And about a certain pair of death eaters you apparently housed."

Andromeda paled.

"Oh Merlin…"

"So? Are you going to tell me?"

Andy set Scorpius on the carpet and closed the door.

"How did you find out?"

"I saw a rather compromising picture."

"Teddy…"

"Don't blame him, he was simply playing. What I want to know is the real story here. How much longer did you think to keep this from me?"

"As long as necessary."

"What? Andy!"

Andromeda looked at him and shook her head at his indignation.

"They came here one day, about four years ago. Emergency Apparition. Bellatrix was dying from a curse and Lucius had lost his memory. I didn't believe it was them, at first." She chuckled darkly. "I almost died of a heart attack when I heard Lucius use the word 'please'."

"And you let them in. The murderer of your daughter?"

Neville's voice was stone cold.

"I let them in. As I said, I didn't think it was really them at first, I thought it was some kind of nasty prank. But it was them."

"You should have called the aurors."

Andromeda softly shook her head.

"Maybe. But I couldn't. I had already buried my daughter, my son-in-law, my husband, my sister and my cousin, Neville. Lucius was hardly in a state to be judged; he didn't even remember what he had done, and Bella… She was my sister, Neville, and despite all what she did I never stopped thinking of her as such. Had they been apprehended I would not have interfered, I know that much. But… I couldn't kill them. I couldn't sentence my last sister to death." She shrugged. "Maybe it's weakness. I like to think it's my morality."

"Morality? You think letting a woman go free who tortured people into insanity, who killed your own daughter, you think that is morality?"

Neville was raging angry now, but he managed to keep his volume limited for the sake of the baby crawling at their feet. Andromeda had tears in her eyes now.

"It had been a year already. I couldn't muster enough hate for it. I had to let it go, just try to understand it!"

"You said she was ill, dying. You could have let her die."

"She was my sister, Neville!"

"That never mattered a thing to her!"

"I have had enough hate to last a lifetime, Neville. I was and still am sick of it. I don't forgive any of them, but if I have to put active energy in hating them it'll be my ending, not theirs!"

"I'll tell you what lasts a lifetime, Andy. My parents, she sentenced them for life! She deserves to rot!"

"Neville!"

They had completely forgotten about their volume now, and baby Scorpius was crying. They stopped their argument for a moment and Andy picked up the child, soothing him. Neville scowled.

"And that child."

"About two years ago, they appeared on my doorstep again. Bellatrix was in labour and Lucius was panicking. I helped them. It was a terrible delivery, it took hours and hours and Bella almost bled out completely. I managed to save both her and the baby though. She named him Scorpius, and told me to take him. She said she wanted her child to grow up with… 'unbroken' people, I think she called it. They left soon, but gave me that picture you saw. They wanted me to tell Scorpius as soon as he would be old enough to understand."

Neville shook his head. He was the godfather of Bellatrix Lestrange's child. Or maybe it was Bellatrix Malfoy now, he didn't know. He tried his best, but he couldn't hate the little one. He had adored that kid from the moment Andromeda had shown it to him. To think that something so sweet and unspoiled had come from the two most horrible people he knew… He could hardly believe it.

"Do you hate your godson now, Neville?"

"He can't help being born from that bitch. I could never hate him, you know that."

"Please understand why I did what I did. They… they changed. And trust me, Neville… they both are sentenced for life as well."

Neville raised eyebrows.

"It's not my story to tell."

"Since I can hardly ask them, you'll have to tell me."

Andromeda sighed.

"The torture Lucius underwent has damaged his mind irreparably. The memory loss was just the tip of the iceberg. When his memory returned… you'll probably won't believe me, but I have seen it, I have seen his memories and I think it was worse than what Bella did to your parents."

"How can anything be worse?"

Andy swallowed.

"Not only to be tortured yourself, but to see your child tortured into insanity before your eyes, and be obliged to kill him later on? To be put under the Imperius and forced to mutilate your wife practically beyond recognition? I could show you the memories, Neville, but just so you know… they made me throw up, twice."

He didn't know what to say. The repercussions of what Andy said were huge, and he was only just beginning to grasp it.

"And… and what about Bellatrix?"

Andromeda sighed.

"It's more delicate. She's been at the wrong end of a cruciatus more often than you might think. You know better than anyone else what traces that leaves in a person's mind."

"She chose to support Voldemort, she had it coming."

"Does a daughter have it coming when a father pulls his wand on her, Neville? Our father always held her to another standard than Cissy and I. There were times he punished her daily."

"Oh…"

"And Azkaban didn't do her good either. Fourteen years of dementors, can you even imagine that? Perhaps she deserved her jailing, but still…"

Neville slowly shook his head. He couldn't imagine that. Perhaps it was true; perhaps they indeed were damaged and punished enough. He didn't think he could let go of his hate as easily as Andy had, though. He had hated Bellatrix Lestrange for far too long, and he had lost too much because of her and her stupid cause.

"Please, Neville. Let it go. Keep it secret. They don't bother anyone anymore, and if not for me, do it for your godson. Do you want him to hear later on that his godfather had his parents executed?"

Neville was stuck. He shook his head again and coldly said.

"I'll keep it a secret. But don't… I don't know what to think of you anymore."

Andromeda looked at her shoes.

"I'm sorry. I… I wanted to tell you, I just didn't think you'd understand."

"You're right, I don't understand. But I'll keep it a secret. For Scorpius."

"Thank you…"

"Don't thank me. Thank your Slytherin ways that got me in this position."

Coming from Neville, that was a grave insult. She watched how he walked out of her house with big strides and apparated away, with a heavy feeling in her heart. Things one does for family… she prayed he would come around, eventually.

_(Pagebreak)_

Neville had spent a lot of thought on what he had learned in the weeks after his falling out with Andromeda, eventually deciding to go see the offending situation for himself. He was angry still, but if anything of what Andy had told him was true… Usually he had a terrible memory, but the photo Teddy had shown him was almost burned on his retina. He pictured the location quite clearly, an old forest cabin surrounded by birch trees, and holding the image in his mind he disapparated. It was dangerous, apparating on image, one of the most irresponsible things you could do besides drunk apparition, yet Neville felt he had to try it. It seemed to take forever, before he appeared in a forest. No missing body parts apart from maybe a lock of hair, and the surrounding had lots of birch trees, so far so good… He looked for the cabin, but didn't see it anywhere… until he felt an unusual stir, an indication of wards. Following the strange tingling magic and using what knowledge of wards he had, he reached the clearing that he had seen on the photo. Hiding in the bushes, he observed what was going on.

Both Death Eaters were sitting outside on a bench in front of the cabin, and it was quite a shocking thing to watch. Bellatrix had her arms wrapped around Lucius, and appeared to be slowly rocking him while his head rested against her shoulder. The wind carried their voices to Neville.

"Sssh… It's okay… It's gone now…"

"I d-don't want to r-remember anymore, Bella…"

"I know, but we can't stop it, you know that."

"Obliviate me? Please… I… I know you can."

"We talked about this. I can't do that. It would erase all that you are, it would erase me from your mind." Neville heard a soft chuckle. "And you don't want to forget me, now do you?"

"No… I… I don't…"

Neville watched open-mouthed how Bellatrix pressed a kiss on Lucius' forehead.

"Sleep. You'll feel better when you wake."

He saw how Bellatrix calmly patted Lucius' hair while the man slept in her embrace, and the wind brought pieces of a hummed song to his ears. Neville suddenly felt as if he was intruding on something very private… which, in truth, he was. There was something so tender and caring about her gestures that it made him feel ashamed for watching. As quietly as he could he moved out of the wards, trying his best not to disturb them, and apparated away. He never tried to find the cabin again, instead he went to Andromeda's as soon as he could and tried to mend their friendship. He lavished his godson with love and attention, trying his best not to look for pieces of Bellatrix and Lucius in him. That was behind him. It was with a bitter aftertaste that he buried the battle axe, but… if a monster like Bellatrix was capable of tenderness… then why shouldn't he be capable of forgiving?

**(Author's Notes)**

**A long epilogue! Now this story is really, really over. PLEASE, tell me what you thought of it! **


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